Why ?

I have been listening to music through YouTube for probably about an hour now as I consider the past week.  

On Monday I had an appointment with my Medical Oncologist, Dr. Pat.  She gave me great news. My PSA dropped from 69 to 11.6 in one month.  This is a great indication that my cancer is losing the fight for my body.  I know my positive attitude and sense of humor has helped.  But the real strength behind this small victory is God.  A very long time ago when I was but a teenager I accepted Jesus Christ as my personal savior.  

No, that doesn't mean I will never fail nor does it mean that everything is going to go well for me.  I was married and failed.  I found a new love and left my two children in Canada as I moved to the USA.  I now have a daughter, Stephanie that has told me the day she loves me is the day I die.  I can understand her dislike or maybe I should go as far as my hate for me.  However, no matter what happens in my life - I think about her and wonder what I am missing in her life.   My son, Timothy was prompted by his girlfriend, Mary to develop the best relationship he can with me.  Unfortunately, for Mary at her young age she has experienced the loss of a parent because of Cancer.  I have never met Mary, but I sense she has gained some incredible wisdom at her young age. 

I moved to the USA with Crystle and we were married in 2001 in October.  I became the Step Dad to four kids.  It has been tough, being the step - but none of my kids are considered to be steps.  They are all mine.  Crystle and I now have three wonderful grandchildren.   To go into depth of the love my kids have for me is something I couldn't possibly describe.  We have one daughter who lives in Michigan and although she and her brothers joke around with me - she sent me a Father's Day card a couple of years ago.  No, I don't have the card anymore and I really don't need it.  It was a simple card but the few words in that card pierced my heart with love.  Just thinking about it now brings happy tears to my eyes. 

You see folks.  Cancer is not a death sentence but it sure does open your eyes to the little things in life that just might be missed. 

Crystle and I have gone through hell since October 2018.  Crystle is almost finished her 33 radiation treatments. The description of what the radiation treatments have done to her skin can't possibly do it any justice.  The only way I can attempt to describe what I see when she is getting ready for bed is this.... Imagine if you can and dare heading to your favorite beach in Florida at about 11am  Put down your towel and prop up a pillow so you are ready to enjoy laying on the beach under an umbrella.  You fall asleep the wind picks up just a bit and the umbrella falls over. You are now exposed to the sun and the stronger breeze.  That is where you sleep oblivious to the world.  You wake as the rain begins about 6pm.  You have been asleep on the beach for six hours.  

To help my wonderful wife I have to administer some cream on her back and around her neck.  I do so as tenderly as possible but no matter how carefully I attempt to spread the cream, Crystle has to let out an ouch as she contorts her face in pain.  This is what radiation has done to her. 

Crystle, had an MRI of her brain this week so that a hopefully answer is provided to her being sick at random in the mornings.  Something she didn't have to deal with until after chemo. 

If you have been reading my blogs for awhile you all know the side effects that I have experienced due to the radiation treatments aimed at my Prostate and Bladder.  Unfortunately, I had to report yet another side effect to Dr. Pat. - bloody BM's.   The coming week I will have both an Endoscopy and Colonoscopy to ensure there is no serious issues. 

After a discussion with my Radiation Oncologist on Thursday - I will have five more radiation treatments.  These treatments will be aimed at my right lower rib.

I have and Crystle have a lot of challenges which we will probably experience the rest of our lives. One reason for this site is to educate people.  I also want to use my poetry to help other Cancer Warriors financially.  The battle is a tough one both on the spirt of the person - it will cause any human to question life.  The battle also will demand a new approach to finances. 

I share now this link GO Fund ME - Book of Poetry   I have a copyrighted ebook.  However, that ebook is going to be modified and at some time in the future (hopefully not too distant) will be published.  To do this I must raise $3400.  Please take a moment to explore the link.   My goal needs your help but no one needs to make any huge donation.  If you buy a coffee a day I am also going to suggest to you that you could afford $12 or $1 for each month on the calendar. 

I am involved in a support group through Facebook for Cancer Support of Warriors and Survivors.  This group is 30,000plus strong.  Through that group just before I started typing this blog entry I read a couple of the posts in the group.  One was a prayer request for a 5 yr old girl. She has been diagnosed with brain cancer. Her treatment - radiation treatments five (5) days a week for six (6) months.  Her name is Aura.  If you pray please pray for her. 

The family of course also needs prayer because they are in the fight with their daughter.  The family finances are going to be pushed to the limit.  This is where my poetry and the general mission of this website can help.  Can you help me make a difference ?   Please share my blog and the link to it.  Also please share the plight of Aura and how my desire to help will be accomplished by a book of poetry. 

I have said a lot and now I close.  As usual I look forward to hearing from my readers.  ( info@sharksbait.org ) 

 

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