The Fight

Well, I am not sure where I am with my fight anymore.  

My Oncologist indicated when I saw her in November that if my pain got worse - I would probably have to have an arthroscope down to find out what they can see going on inside me.  My Abdominal pain is worse and in fact has been so bad breathing hurt.  I am typing this at 2:45am because I am waiting for a pain pill kill and being upright to reduce the pain. 

I am now on a cycle that I am not enjoying.  During the day I feel pretty much like a well used punching bag.  Low level pain during the day and then a huge increase at night that wakes me up. 

A CT scan done in November indicates I have an enlarged liver.  My Oncologist also told me that my HGB count (red blood cells) is dropping slowly.   Looking on the internet to put things together wasn't very comforting - both can point to Cancer.   So without any immediate action from my Oncologist I am wondering if I have a different type of Cancer now punishing my body to the best of its abilities. 

I do hope that I am able to push to figure out why I have pain and not just cover it up.    I just read meme on the Cancer Support group which is perfect for Cancer Warriors.  We don't recover because we do not and cannot return to the way things were before our diagnosis.  We reinvent ourselves and become a new person living with the effects of our battle.  

That is a very sobering thought for any Warrior.  In my case the meds I take are forcing my body to stop the production of Testosterone - and all the effects that can cause.  The worst for me are Hot Flashes.    As you know the radiation treatments I had really messed up my body and to some degree I am still waiting and hoping for things to return to more of a "normal" status than what I have currently. 

I have to push to find out why I have pain and yet I really don't want to be told I have another form of Cancer.  A form which could lead to chemo ... and the devastating effects it has on a body. 

I continue on.

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