It's Been Tough

I apologize to my readers for not providing this update over the weekend.  

My issues outlined previously really got into my way of wanting to sleep.  I went from Monday - Wednesday getting up every hour.  Unfortunately, no i don't just get back to bed and fall asleep.   By Thursday, I was a grumpy sort of guy that really didn't want to hear anything negative from anyone.  Which of course I got. 

My Short Term Disability was suspended, a refund check never showed up and my employer sent me an email that said my Leave Of Absence was denied.  Oops wrong thing to tell the exhausted Mr. Wayne Rowe.   I replied with an email and I am sure the computer wires were on fire as it go to its intended readers.   I received a phone call from one of the managers who decided to begin his conversation with - How are you?  My response was - I think you already know the answer to that.  The best part of the conversation was that he decided to approve my Leave Of Absence. 

Then comes Thursday and I have appointment with a Palliative Care Doctor.  Well after review of my situation she asked some questions which I of course was happy to answer.  I let her know that it would be great if she could prescribe something that would knock my happy ass out.   She ended up prescribing 3 different drugs.  So at this point I now have 7 drugs a Calcium pill that I take everyday.   Of course on top of this - I also get two shots each month.  

The drug she gave me to help me sleep.  WOW !!  What a number on my head. Several times I was literally acting out the motions in my dream - to which I woke up and wondered what the heck I was doing.  I had to tell myself quietly that for instance - there is no button to push.   Of course there were no people to save,  no danger in driving over a cliff..   My brain has been so frazzled that I have caught myself staring at the Facebook page and wondering what I am supposed to do.   Only to figure out eventually that there is nothing to do. 

Yes, I am getting more sleep - about 2 hours at a time.  Naps during the day help with the fatigue level I am experiencing.  Oh this stuff called Cancer is definitely not easy to fight.  I thank God for being with me and helping me maintain a positive attitude and a sense of humor no matter how bad it gets. 

Quite frankly and honestly - I think my report to my Oncologist's next week is that treatment thus far has been a living hell.  I have pondered briefly on the possibility that I am actually losing the battle.  Briefly, I said - so my thoughts don't get too far 

I saw someone from work this week in the parking lot after picking up my prescriptions.  He yelled out my name - I turned, saw him in the vehicle but couldn't address him at all because I was not able to remember his name.   It has almost been 7 days since that happened and I finally just recalled his name. 

This is Wednesday and this week has been relatively easy to handle.  I know I have to be able to run to a restroom frequently so I do my best to be ready and know where they are in a restaurant or store.  My exerice program at the YMCA seems to help and gives me a moment of "I did it" at least twice a week. 

As always I would appreciate hearing from my readers: