It Just Goes On And On

This is not my weekly entry but it may become exactly that. 

Today was treatment day.  I was excited to speak with my Oncologist - that didn't happen.  I had my blood draw and peed in a cup.   I also only had one of my two injections. That sums up the first part of my day.

Crystle and I have noticed that my fuse to being upset has gotten quite short.  So I was going to speak to my Oncologist about it because the drug I am on can cause mood swings.  The fuse is so short that I started in on someone at work over the phone (another member of staff).  They finally said you need to be more professional.  I apologized for my tone and told them quickly what I am dealing with.  i also let them know I would be seeing my doctor today... which as you know didn't happen. 

After my short period of time at the Cancer Care Center and feeling no care - I decided I would just continue and take the day off under FMLA.   I decided to get a bit of exercise in and would walk in the mall.  i walked from one to the other - and found on my return that my thighs were tightening up and it just hurt to walk.  But of course there isn't any other way to get any place when in a mall.  So walk I did with determination to get to my truck. 

I went to Walmart to get some groceries and luckily wasn't walking around very long so i didn't have to deal with my thighs hurting again. 

I came home and decided I would just rest on the couch with my two dogs. It took awhile to fall asleep because my lower abdomen and back hurt.  I woke up and immediately felt the discomfort that I am being forced to endure and in some stupid way get used to. 

I have been singing using the app smule - so figured I would do that for awhile.  My love of singing only caused more pain which just seems to linger on. 

I am alone at home until the 29th because Crystle is boarding a cruise tomorrow with her mom and one of her sisters.  I vowed I will not tell her anything bad while she is away.  So, I must endure this crap without my wife knowing.  I will have to apologize for lying to her once she returns. 

Anyway my Oncologist noticed that I see my Urologist on Monday and she wants to know what he thinks.  I have an MRI on the 23rd and a stress test to be scheduled. 

I am very confused.  If someone has Cancer and new pain shows up and never really stops why wouldn't an Oncologist do a PET scan ?  Can any of my readers shed some light on that ?  (info@sharksbait.org) 

I was enjoying myself singing with Smule and then began to cry because as I said the singing added new pain.  I feel like pain is there to whittle away my positive attitude and determination to kick Cancer in the ass. I am tired of narcotics to be free of any discomfort.  It has only become a nuisance something I live with that eats away at me... and is only hidden with narcotics ( opiods)  I don't know how to spell it.   I don't allow myself to get suckered into the pleasure brought on by the pill. 

Someday soon I hope this is figured out.  I want to be able to sleep, to enjoy my day,  to live again.   This is like an eternal torture. 

I am hoping that my Urologist jumps on wagon that leads to a resolution.  My family doctor is struggling to what needs to be done.  Then i hit another question ... IF a Colonoscopy was done in October .... why don't they do another ?   All of the doctors say it was normal.     What about change ? 

Enough for now. 

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